Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
