Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
