I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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