New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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