I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
