Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
