life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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