mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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