Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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