Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
