Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
