Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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