I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
