i just wanna soil my oats bro
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
