Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
