i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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