YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
