i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
