I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
