I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
