Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
