Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
