There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
