im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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