I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
