just survived the first fart of the relationship.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You're like the curious george of whores
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Randomize
