After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
