I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize