I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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