Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this will be a night to untag.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
