I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
