she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
