Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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