I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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