I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
