i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize