Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
