I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
