I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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