I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
