I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
