all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
