are you so shy because you have an std?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
