I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
