what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
