you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize