Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
