Jerry, you need to find god
I think I won the penis lottery.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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