Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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