I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I think my moral compass just broke
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
