Jerry, you need to find god
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize