It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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