Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
