Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
