I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
