bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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