I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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