can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
