my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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