Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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