You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
