Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize