I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
