He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
