Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
