I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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