i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize