You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
