i wish my penis had a tongue
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
