Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Still dying that you shit outside
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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