eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
