I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
