It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My vagina is officially offended.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
