he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
