fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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