What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
