I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
