and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
