i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
