forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
