my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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