Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
