I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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