I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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