Porn is love you can see.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
