Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
