Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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