She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
