Umm I'm too high to move.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
