I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
