what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
