Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
