I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
this is an emotional support booty call
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
