I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize