I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
