Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
