I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
