You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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