He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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