Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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