cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
