Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
