dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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